Gaila can only facepalm
by AcromantulaBitch
Summary: OR, Five times she wanted to hit that, and the one time she didn't. Kink meme prompt was pretty much, the Enterprise is really the USS Chastity and Gaila is Not Pleased.


**Prompt; "The entire command crew are BFFs with each other, but nothing more. As in, nobody is sleeping with anybody else, not even Spock/Uhura. They are all _just friends_.**

Gaila is slowly starting to go insane, she swears she is."

I fell IN LOVE with this prompt. You have no idea. I saw it, and literally just dropped everything else to write the thing. I want the prompter to keep coming up with stuff b/c it is awesome.

Also, my sister is going to KILL ME b/c I posted something unbetad AGAIN. D: ...sorry B.

Also also, WARNING. This fic contains mean words ):  
It also contains fluffy Gaila/Chekov BBFness, and blatent Flight of the Concords references. Read at your own risk. lol. ANYWAY.

* * *

Gaila can only facepalm.

or,

The five times Gaila tried to get all up on that and the one time she didn't.

ONE

Kirk

"Sorry, Gaila, but no."

Gaila can honestly not believe she is hearing these words. Something is terribly wrong here. She reaches out and takes Jims arm.

"Jim. We're going to get you some help. It's going to be okay. Why don't you come with me and we'll go see the nice Doctor and he'll fix you right up." She wonders vaguely what sort of sex-drive killing disease the poor thing has. On second thought maybe they should see Scotty, since this is more likely some sort of transporter accident.

She's still trying to decide which person to report this anomaly to when Jim laughs.

"Gaila, honey. I'm not sick. I've just decided that as Captain I really shouldn't be sleeping with any members of my crew."

Oh. Huh. Well that's considerably less interesting than she had originally thought. She supposes that in a backwards sort of way it makes sense.

She smirks at him, trailing her fingers down his arm. "Are you sure? You do know we're going to be in space for five entire years."

He blanches but steps away from her. "Yeah I'm sure." He frowns, giving her a once over, and then shaking his head as if to clear it.

He walks toward the door, turning around at the last minute to stare at her, his hands clenched into fists, a look of intense concentration on his face. He stares at her for a solid minute before closing his eyes a exiting the room.

Gaila choses to take it as a compliment.

TWO

Uhura and Spock

After being rejected by Jim, Gaila decides to treat herself to a hot threesome. She figures it will make her feel better, though really she's not all that offended, it's just Jim being an idiot. He'll grow out of it eventually.

She runs through her mental, 'I would so have sex with these people' list, and comes up with the perfect pair; Uhura and Spock. They're in a committed monogamous relationship, but they're stuck in space day in a day out, doing the same stuff and seeing the same people. It would make sense for them to want to spice up their sex life. And who is the best spice on the Enterprise?

Gaila walks over to Spock's quarters after dinner, figuring they were probably having after-dinner sex and she could just wait for round two. She presses the door chime.

Surprisingly, they answer. More surprisingly, they are both fully dressed. Huh. Maybe they were more after-breakfast sex people.

She walks into the room, glancing around. Uhura is sitting at a desk, a PADD in front of her, and Spock is behind her having been the one to answer the door. The room is strangely clean, and she can't see any of Nyota's things, it doesn't seem like two people live here. Probably they're just neat freaks. She walks over to where Nyota is sitting and hops up to sit on the desk. Spock not-frowns in disapproval.

"Hey Gaila." Nyota smiles up at her.

"Hi Nyota, how are things?"

"Oh you know...." Nyota shares, then Gaila shares, then Spock refuses to share, and then it's time for business. It's business time. (It's a good thing she's wearing her business socks.)

"So Nyota, I was thinking that we could have a threesome some time." Gaila was never really one to mince words.

Nyota blinks. "Uh. What?" Gaila sighs. Humans.

"You, me and Spock." She makes a rude gesture with her hands. Spock's eyebrows vanish into his hairline.

Nyota is laughing at her for some odd reason. Gaila frowns. Not really the response she was looking for.

"Um. Terra to Nyota? That was a serious proposition." Nyota waves her hand through the air and tries to gain control of herself.

"No I-" She breaks off again. Gaila is not amused. Nyota takes several deep breaths. "It was just, the _way_ you said it" She cracks up a bit again, but keeps going. "I'm not trying to offend you Gaila, but you know we don't do that." She lays her hand on Gailas.

Gaila snorts. "I didn't really think you would be such a prude about it, it's no big deal." Nyota blinks at her again.

"Oh, wow. You don't know do you?"

"Um. Know what?"

"Spock and I are in a non-sexual relationship."

…......….She's drawing a blank on this one.

"What?" Gaila is not entirely sure what she means by that. "I thought you guys were dating?"

They share a look. Spock speaks up. "The lieutenant and I are engaged in a romantic relationship at the moment, but it is not sexual in nature."

"…................what?"

THREE

McCoy

So, the hot threesome did not work out. At all. She still can't fully wrap her brain around the weird, 'romantic but not sexual' thing. What do they do? Play cards? She shakes her head as she walks past the door to Med Bay.

Wait.

Dr. McCoy is single, old, and grumpy. Possibly jaded. Clearly he is in need of pity sex. She makes an one-eighty and walks through the doors. No Doctor, but the hot blond nurse is there...

No. Stay on task. Hot blond nurse will still be there when she is finished.

She turns to her and smiles. "Excuse me, but could you direct me to Dr. McCoy? I'm having a medical issue, and he's my go-to guy." And by medical issue she means, 'I will die if I don't get laid tonight.'

The nurse directs her to the good Doctors office. She presses the door chime.

"Yeah?" He sounds pissed. Gaila is confident she can make him feel better.

"Doctor McCoy? May I come in?"

"Sure, Gaila. Come on in, it's not like I've got stuff to do or anything like that." She rolls her eyes and walks into the room. He's sitting behind his desk, a stack of papers in front of him. And he's wearing glasses. Gaila loves men in glasses.

"What do you want?" She smiles at him, shifting a bit to display herself better.

"You." It's a combination purr/growl Gaila has discovered works really well on men like McCoy, and men like Jim, and Scotty, and pretty much all men in general.

McCoy stares at her for a second before looking back down and starting to write again.

"Get out of my office and take cold shower."

She throws up her hands and walks out of the room.

FOUR

Sulu

Gaila is fuming. That's three time in one night she's been rejected. What was wrong with people? Couldn't they see how hot she was?

She hits the call button for the lift harder than is strictly necessary, glaring around at people who walk by. She wishes Rand was there. Rand was always up for a good time. Too bad she was reassigned.

The lift stops to pick up another passenger as she's trying to decide if she should have herself transferred off the USS Abstinence or if she should just deal. She barely glances at the person as the enter the lift, she lost in her own thoughts.

"Going up Gaila?" She turns.

Oh it's-.......shit. What the hell was his name? The hot pilot that Chekov keeps talking about. Whatever, it'll come to her.

"Yeah, up." He smiles at her and starts the lift. She watches him form the corner of her eye as they travel upward. He IS actually pretty hot...

She leans over and stops the lift. His eyes flick up to hers, shock evident. "Uh. Gaila?"

She smiles at him, casually running her hand through her hair. His eyes follow the motion.

"You know..." Shitshitshit she forgot that she forgot his name, improv time. "...I've always admired you." Ha. Score points for Gaila, queen of mid-sentence improving.

What'sHisName is looking decidedly uncomfortable.

Sulu! His name is Sulu.

SULU sort of shifts his weight to his other foot and avoids looking in her eyes. "Um. You have?"

Gaila shifts her weight too, rolling her hip out. "Yes. I like the way you...take charge."

He's just sort of staring at the ground now.

"Uh. Yeah. Gaila?" She can already sort of see where this is going.

She sighs. "Yeah?"

"You know I'm gay right?"

She just starts the lift back up and gets out on the first floor they come to.

She goes to bed confused. It had been a weird day.

FIVE

Everyone

Gaila was up to her elbows in machine oil and annoyed. It had been a week since the-day-that-was-composed-entirely-of-bullshit, and Gaila had still not gotten laid. Which was simultaneously amazing and horrifying to her. And she was still confused. The only offer she had gotten since That Day had been a joking one from Keenser. She was seriously considering it, which was a true testament to how desperate things were becoming.

She sighed and stood up, wiping her hands on her uniform. The stupid thing was broken for good. She felt like kicking it.

"Gaila! There you are." She turns around to see Kirk walking up to her. She narrows her eyes at him. He had been the one to start it off.

"Yes, Captain?" She says this as stiffly as she can manage. He blinks at her.

"Uh. At ease, soldier." He smirks at her. She glares back.

"So I was wondering if you were coming tonight." Haha. Very funny.

Oh, wait.

"Coming to what?"

"Uh, the Movie Night of course!" Gaila can hear the capital letters. "It's going to be me, Spock, Uhura, Bones, Sulu and hopefully you." She considers this. Those were all the people who had reje-

Ohhhh......She gets it. It's apology sex. An apology orgy for Gaila. She smiles.

"Of course Jim, I'd love to come to your 'movie night.'" She winks at him. He gives her a weird look, but just waves to her and goes off to do Captain Things.

Gaila's excited, she knew they would pull through in the end.

AND THE ONE SHE NEVER TRIED WITH B/C HE'S HER BFF AND THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

Chekov

"And then, and _then_! Kirk invited me to this 'movie night' and I think 'Oh, well that's okay then, they're making it up to me.' Except they weren't! It was the Terminator movies! And then they all fell asleep at like, eleven and stuff. It was horrible. I'm not speaking to any of them right now. Oh and by the way, your pilot is totally hot for you, he was talking about it in his sleep." Pavel flushes at that and plays with his hair, looking vaguely embarrassed.

She's lying on her stomach on Pavels bed, hugging his pillow. Pavel, her best friend and the only person she rants to on a regular basis, is sitting in his desk chair the wrong way so he's facing her, a frown on his face.

"Vell, I'm not speaking to them either." Gaila smiles over at him. Wow. He is such a good friend.

"Thanks Pavel, it's really nice of you to support me like that-"

"I mean, vhy vas I not inwited to this movie night? It is not fair!"

Gaila groans and puts her face in the pillow.

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**Sooooooooooo Yeah. Hopefully that was funny. I was going for funny lol. **

**And, yeah. I don't know why the formatting is like that either. :/**

OMG I LOVE GAILA. bhvbdvugodugoebpfdf


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